Have you ever made a decision, felt reasonably comfortable with it, and then started questioning yourself a few hours or days later? Perhaps you remembered another option, heard someone else’s opinion, or began imagining everything that could go wrong. If this sounds familiar, you may be wondering how to stop second-guessing yourself. Sometimes, reconsidering a…
Someone asks you for a favor. Before you have even thought about it, you say: “Sure, I can do that.” Then, a few minutes later, you realize you did not actually want to say yes. This can be one of the more subtle patterns of people pleasing: agreeing before you have even checked what you…
Being a perfectionist can look like a strength from the outside. But there is a point where high standards stop being simply about the quality of what you do. They start becoming a way of deciding whether you are good enough. That is where perfectionism and self-worth can become closely connected. The problem isn’t necessarily…
Learning how to be proud of yourself can sound like a simple thing. You accomplish something difficult, you do something well, or someone tells you they are impressed, and you let yourself feel good about it. But for many people, that isn’t what happens. You finish a difficult project and immediately think about what could…
Have you ever noticed how quickly one small thing can change the way you see yourself and make you ask: Why do I feel like I’m not good enough? You make a mistake at work and suddenly you’re thinking, I’m just not good at this. Someone doesn’t choose you, and it becomes, Of course. I’m…
In our previous article, we discussed that being hard on yourself isn’t the same as having high standards. You can care deeply about your goals, want to improve, and still decide that constant self-criticism isn’t the way you want to motivate yourself. But that leaves another question: how do you actually learn to be kinder…
What if learning how to stop being so hard on yourself didn’t mean losing the drive that gets things done? Maybe you recognize the pattern. You miss a deadline, make a mistake, procrastinate, or fall short of a goal, and the voice in your head immediately gets louder: You should have done better. Why are…
There is a particular idea about self-acceptance that can feel surprisingly difficult to believe: you can accept yourself as you are and still want to change. At first, these two things can seem contradictory. If you accept yourself, shouldn’t you stop worrying about what needs to be improved? And if you are constantly trying to…
Why do I compare myself to others, even when I know it usually doesn’t make me feel better? You might ask yourself this question after scrolling through social media and suddenly feeling behind in your career, relationships, appearance, or life in general. You might compare yourself to a colleague who seems more successful, a friend…
Why does rejection feel so personal, even when you know it shouldn’t? In our previous article, How to Deal with Rejection, we looked at what rejection is and explored some ways to handle it when it happens. But knowing what to do after rejection doesn’t necessarily explain why it can affect us so deeply in…
